Thursday, February 23, 2012

Lent on Facebook


This year I decided to walk through Lent on Facebook. I called my FB friends to walk through the 40 days Lent with me by focusing on 40 days of kindness and wonder.  We are called to charitable acts, acts of mercy during Lent, hence the kindness. Kindness in all forms, especially the most simple. Through FB, I am calling attention not so much to the act of kindness but to taking the time to notice when kindness can be offered and do so. In noticing, I believe I will find that there are many more opportunities for kindness that I/we would typically not be tuned in to. Not to say that I am a selfish person but I do know myself well enough to know that sometimes am not tuned into others and can miss the chance for kindness: the sincere thank you for good service, letting a car cut in, things along those lines…simple kindnesses. My hope is that in recognizing that opportunities do abound, that I will take more of those times and share some kindness which will brighten my life and the life of whoever is involved.
I also called for wonder as a different take on the Catholic tradition of Lent as a time of reflection. I think we are surrounded with signs of God’s wonder. But I also think we miss them or fail to appreciate the wondrous nature of what is around us. We all could benefit from that which causes us to pause, to stand back in astonishment, something that grabs our attention in a positive way. Reflecting on the wondrous is reflecting on God. Just like the opportunities for kindness, I am guessing that wondrous abound but I miss it or mistake it for ordinary. So why not spend some time this Lent in finding all that is filled with wonder or fills us with wonder as a means of honoring God? I have asked my FB friends to do so and post same.

Hopefully it will go viral or at least get a bit of a snuffle …stay tuned.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

G is for Gerardine


G is for Gerardine (or what’s in a name?)

Today I joined a meme (had to look it up…it’s an idea or anything really that repeats itself usually through imitation). So the meme I joined was/is a blog meme asking participants to write a blog post using the alphabet as a prompt.  And this week’s letter is G…well G is for Gerardine of course! That’s GeraRdine, two Rs NO L. I have spent most of my life telling people how to spell my name; that no, I didn’t misspell my own name  on the form; and asking people to take the L out when they insist that it should be inserted into my name.   You would be amazed at how many people try to correct the spelling of my name. 

My family is Catholic and we believe that the Heaven is filled with saints who pray for us each day.  My mother had a number of miscarriages and began to ask St Gerard to pray for her and her unborn babies.  St Gerard was a mystic and credited with saving the life of a woman in labor through prayer (well, actually credited with praying and God saved the life). Thus he became the patron of saint pregnant women. 

Three out of four of my Mom’s children have some form of Gerard in our name (Gerard, James Gerard, and me, Gerardine).  My oldest brother got away with John.  My name is pronounced JEr-a-deen) but most people call me Ger.

 In another post on this site I write about how comforting the familiar is to each of us and how it takes one from the outside looking in to get us to question the familiar. Some times that questioning has merit and sometime it can and should be dismissed.  It wasn’t until I was a teenager did someone feel the need to point out to me how odd it was that my brother and I had the same name…no we didn’t! My name is Gerardine and his name is Gerard…oh, yeah ok, so it’s somewhat the same. We were and are two very different people with two different, albeit similar names.  Funny how I never really thought about having the “same” name as one of brothers until someone told me to think of it that way.

Ah Juliet, What is in a name?  According to a Kabala website my name  means brave spear . Seriously? What the heck does that mean?  If you Google Gerardine, I pop up, as does a CEO of an electric company, an award winning film maker, a chemist, and Google also reveals that Gerardine is the name of a designer of shoes, (but unfortunately, in my humble opinion, not really great shoes). But not too many other Gerardines come up in the search.  So this brave spear is an odd name or rather a rare name…yes, I prefer rare, but I guess I didn’t need Google to tell me that.

Names do have a lot of meaning. When I got married it was hard for me to change my last name…I am Italian-American and my husband is Irish/German-American with a German last name. I didn’t want to give up my last name which expressed my family’s heritage. We compromised (something that we continue to do!). While I don’t hyphenate my name I do use my maiden name for my work but my legal name is Gerardine Luongo Ranft .

About 10 years ago I was at a party and was introduced to a woman whose name was Marcia  A. (full last name not included for privacy).  She told the group she was introduced to that this was her first night out with her “real” name… what did that mean?  She explained that she was adopted and estranged from her adopted parents.  She had learned that her birth mother was Jewish. In order to create her own identity she needed to create a new name for herself…first and last. She didn’t take the last name of her birth mother because, as she explained it, she didn’t really feel that much of a connection to her but she did want a name that acknowledged she was of Jewish heritage. So she named herself Marcia A. The name was completely different from the name she had for more than 35 years. Marcia believed that she needed to reject the name given to her by her adopted parents; she needed  to create a her own name as a way of establishing her own identity. But who was she for 35 years?  I often wondered if she felt connected to her name immediately or did she have to grow into it?

Malcolm X changed his name from Malcolm Little to distance himself from the last name that was imposed on his family by his slave ancestor’s owners. After he made the Hajj to Mecca he took on the name of El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz.  He too felt that a name could define a man and it was so important that his name reflect his own identity and not one imposed upon him by white supremacists.

Although no longer as common as it once was, we have all heard of celebrities who changed their name to be more marketable.   

Our name is one of the first things we learn to read and write. As children we put it on all our belongings…our backpacks, our books, etc.  At one time or another we have all worn the HELLO! My Name is…label.

At some point I sort of gave up fighting for the two R’s and No L and let people call me Gerry.  People have spelled Gerry with all sorts of variations and since I don’t consider it my REAL name I never cared how it was spelled (although I spell it Gerry).  I do prefer to be called Ger or Gerardine, the latter is what my husband calls me. What is important is knowing that the people who are most important to me call me by my name…as does God.
Yes I do believe God calls me Ger and calls me often.

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine Isaiah 43:1




God knows me and calls me by name .  And that is the importance of a name.  So G is for Gerardine and this Gerardine prays that I have the clarity to know when God calls me and the strength to say yes. 

Isaiah 43:7  Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”




Monday, February 20, 2012

‘80s Rock, the Prophet Isaiah, and Lent


In 1983 the Scottish Rock group Big Country had a major hit with the song In a Big Country. A great tune that to me was about hope even in desperate situations. The song includes the following powerful lyrics:

So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you.
Because it's happened doesn't mean you've been discarded.
Pull up your head off the floor, come up screaming.
Cry out for everything you ever might have wanted.
I thought that pain and truth were things that really mattered
But you can't stay here with every single hope you had is shattered.


No, you can’t stay in the same place when that place is no longer serving you or serving God. But oh how hard it is to move on even when we know we are just barely treading water. We all have become stuck at some point or another. Moving on and letting go seem like impossible tasks; harder still, they feel like tasks that are counter intuitive when the best you can do is hold on as tightly as possible.  But more often than not, releasing our grip is in fact the best possible choice.

One of the readings for this Sunday (2/19/12) was from the Book of Isaiah and it calls us to do just that, to let go of our grip.

"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past (43:18 NASB)

Other versions include do not dwell in the past and forget all that…

God commands the Israelites to leave the past in the past…it’s over, done, leave it behind where it belongs. God is speaking to the Babylonian exiles but also to us on this Sunday as we begin the season of Lent.

It is so easy to get caught up in the past. By some extent we are all defined by our past whether we acknowledge it or not. To say the past has little influence over our current lives is naïve, even dangerous. That lack of understanding enables us to be ensnared in harmful patterns. Each of us are where we are today because of past choices we made for ourselves or choices imposed upon us by others when we had no say in the matter (as when we were children). It is important to acknowledge the past, to reflect upon it, and discern what from the past continues to shape our present.

But there is a difference between reflecting on the past and dwelling there. When doing the latter we become victims to our own past by our own choice. When we rehash our old hurts or even our old glories, we are not standing firmly in the present. The degree to which our past influences our present, actually controls our current behavior or thinking, is equal to, and probably greater than, the degree to which we hold on to it.  Dwelling in pain keeps us in pain. We become captives to our own pain and end up living in exile from the present and all the possibilities of the future.

Certainly there are times when visiting our past is truly therapeutic.  I am a big fan of counseling and therapy and think more people would be healthier if they took the opportunity to confront their past with the help of an objective counselor. It is important to see how the past continues to shape daily decisions and/or relationships.  But looking at the past loses its therapeutic qualities when one spends more time there then here, or whenever the process leaves us as victims and not in control. If during therapy or discernment we surface only the ways in which the past caused us harm, well, that is not therapy, that’s pity. Therapy is an empowering process, one that enables us to move forward. If after looking back I am not better able to move forward then I have become a victim by my own choice.


I don’t mean to over simplify the complicated nature of trauma be it physical or emotional. There are certainly some forms of trauma so heinous that unraveling the pain takes time. But the goal should always be to move to the present as quickly as possible. 

In the book of Isaiah, God acknowledges the suffering of His people. In passage just prior to 43:18 God makes reference to the fact that the Israelites suffered slavery.  But He reminds them (and us) that all that is in the past. There is a reason to let go of the past:

It is in verse 19 God calls all of us to something new

I am about to do something new; Even now It shall come to pass, Suddenly you shall perceive it…(43:19)

If I want to move forward then I must let go of the past and only by letting go will I be ready to accept what new goodness is in store for me, indeed all of us.

God gives the captives (all of us) a hint at the greatness of things to come by saying that He
will make a road through the wilderness and rivers in the desert (V20)

Only in leaving behind what has been done can we make room in our hearts and in our lives for what is yet to come. 

So this Lent let’s make it more about the new goodness than the past sins…let us open our hearts to the greatness that God promises us and make it 40 days of wonder…

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Cricket in Times Square


The Cricket in Times Square by George Selden., 1960

What makes “home” home? How do we make people comfortable when they are out of their comfort zone?

When I was about eight, I took this book from the library.  I am choosing this as a blog-post because it includes themes that I will explore in later posts- family life, friendships, ethnicity, New York City.


I am not sure what I was expecting when I chose the book bud I do remember being surprised with all the information about neighborhoods in NYC, places that I was familiar with and that feeling of familiarity was probably what drew me in.


Much of the activity in the book occurs in a newsstand at the entrance of an IRT subway station in Times Square.  Once upon a time, the IRT was a privately owned subway station. It was sometimes called the Flatbush Avenue line. The IRT  was the subway line in my neighborhood, and my station was on the corner of Church and Nostrand Avenues.  The IRT was the train we took when we went into THE CITY ( we always referred to NYC THE CITY).

The newsstand of the book was certainly something I was very familiar --such  newsstands stood outside most subway stations across each of NY’s boroughs. After reading the book, I can say that I never took the humble newsstand for granted again. Each stand I passed from that time on was a newsstand home to people who had a family, had a story, and quite possibly served as the home to a special visitor. 

 The book was filled with all the bustle and sounds of New York, sounds that always felt comfortable to me.  Reading this book was the first time realized that people could be overwhelmed by a city, and that some people weren’t familiar with New York and all its treasures.  The cricket who hopped a train to NYC found that he was way out of his comfort zone and was missing is own country home. And while the cricket became more comfortable with city life, it was never home. Funny how it’s always a bit of a shock when you first realize that what is so comfortable and familiar to you may be so odd for someone else. 


I grew up spending my summers on a lake in northern New Jersey ( I live there now). At the time it was certainly considered a “country” place compared to New York/Brooklyn.  So as a city kid, I got to walk barefoot all summer, learned to swim by the time I was five, run through woods, fish and even “camp-out” in the woods in the front yard.  My familiar was both city and country.

One Christmas vacation my best “country” friend came to visit and spend a few days. We did the whole NYC city thing…Empire State, China Town, and such. I recall that I was startled to realize that she, like the cricket, was a bit overwhelmed.  She was way out of her comfort zone in a place that felt as safe to me as my own bedroom. 

When you are young, even if you are exposed to other cultures like I was living in a city, things that are different can appear to be “odd.”  I remember being surprised that people ate turkey on Christmas…turkey, really?  Christmas was for feasting on home-made ravioli and other Italian foods, everyone knew that!


When do we stop equating what is normal to us with what is “right?” When I became a step parent I was confronted with this very question.  I was confronted with my own prejudices when it came to defining family life, family traditions, and ways of expressing family relationships. I was thrown out of my comfort zone and into a new family and my guard went up.  Marriage can force an unlikely group people to form  a family…A group as different as the boy, the cat and the cricket. And each of the members has their own definitions of what family life is and how it draws the individuals in or forces them to the sides. Actually the marriage doesn't make a family it just forms a group of people who share space and the relationship to one or more members of a group. Its what happens in the coming years that form (or not) the family.


Because step-families are often formed from the “victims” of divorce,  the members forming this new unit are quite fragile.  My step-kids had lived ten years through their parent’s horrific divorce.  Their hearts were thick with protective scarring. And while I knew this, I kept forgetting it…couldn’t understand how hard it was to form deep relationships with each child.  Relationships that go beyond the surface. I was expecting too much too soon. Unfortunately, I couldn’t let go of wanting that type of relationship and wanting it quickly…both naïve and selfish desires.  Blending families is a bit like forcing a cricket to live with a cat, it’s not natural, but it can work.

It takes time to form a functional family .  My relationship with my step kids continues to develop. It certainly has had its share of false starts and mistakes on my part and a few on theirs as well. Fortunately for all of us, we are still working at it…

What is even more exciting is that we are creating our own familiar…that sense of familiar unique to the five of us, we are creating a sense of home even though we no longer live together or even near each other. We are creating a group that is bonded together, forgives each other and, gratefully laughs together. We have our own inside jokes and that is really what family life is…my pray is that sense of home, that which is comforting and familiar to the five of us continues to grow.


RULE 1 OF FORMING A STEP-FAMILY: DON’T FORCE IT







.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Race and Dr Doolittle


Writing about race brings a bit of a knot in my gut and I’m not sure why. I grew up during the 1960s and 70s in Brooklyn NY, a hotbed for racial tensions but somehow I was mostly removed from it. My neighborhood was one of mostly White Irish, Italian and Jewish working class families that began to integrate when I was around nine or ten years of age.  I actually only  vaguely remember the White families who lived on either side of us. The two Black families, one whose house was attached to ours and one on the other side of us were among the first minorities to move into the neighborhood and lived there since I was about nine years old. The Weeks family became good friends with my parents as both families were active in our parish. They were from “the Islands,” a sort of generic term that I never thought to question for greater definition. I do recall thinking that it was odd that so many people kept moving in with the family then out to their own homes. It was part of their culture to help new families coming to the States to get settled by giving them a place to live for many months, often a year or more before they found their own footing. I knew some of the other neighbors grumbled about that, too many of them living in one house, or something to that effect.

On the other side of us was the Jones family. That had a young boy a few years younger than I but he never played with us or rarely did at any rate. They were Jehovah’s Witnesses and I recall thinking how different that was for the neighborhood.   Almost everyone I knew was Catholic and most of us went to the same church and school. The other families were mostly Jewish. And there seemed to be a less than positive connotation about Jehovah’s…they were seen more as a bother coming about and knocking on doors although relatively harmless. I don’t think I actually thought of them as Christians! Despite all that, my parents seemed to like the Jones family and they always chatted a few minutes whenever they saw each other. The Jones kept to themselves which was odd for our block as pretty much everyone played together and knew each other fairly well.

 Despite growing up in the big city of  Brooklyn, I really grew up in a just small neighborhood. Looking back I now believe that race was sort of always in the subconscious of the neighborhood.  I don’t really recall the tipping point, that point-in-time when my neighborhood was mostly comprised of minorities and White people were the statistical minority.  I do recall that leaving the neighborhood was something my parents began to fight about with my mother wanting to get out and my father wanting to stay. My father wanted to fight “white flight” but by the time I was in eighth grade my mother saw the writing on the wall: that fight was lost. We stayed too long I think. Somewhere along the way East Flatbush was no longer my neighborhood. I resented that loss. It belonged to people I didn't know, some of whom spoke a language I didn't understand.
One of the first books in which I encountered issue of race was The Voyages of Doctor Doolittle (Hugh Lofting, 1923). In this the first book of Dr Doolittle’s travels, the good Doc has returned to London from Africa and many of his African animal friends were missing him.  I recall I was starting to really enjoy the book when I was stopped in my reading tracks: nigger, the word jumped off the page. It was a dangerous word and one my parents did not tolerate. Polynesia (the parrot) was catching Dr Doolittle up on the events in Africa. Her update includes a reference to ignorant niggers. I wasn’t sure what to do. If I told my parents they would most likely not allow me to finish reading the book. I wanted to keep reading, so I said nothing. But the book continued to challenge my value system.

The book shares Dr Doolittle’s thoughts about the peoples he encountered throughout his travels. He thinks of Africans as heathens, ignorant and backward; he holds the same opinions of Native Americans. In its original version it is a decidedly racist book.

While Polynesia was able to fly to London from Africa to be reunited with her friend the Doc, Chee Chee, the monkey, had no such option available to him. Chee Chee pines away the hours missing his friend while sitting by a pier and watching African travelers board ships bound for England. At one point he sees a little girl board one of the ships. According Chee Chee that girl looked just like his cousin…the little African girl looked like a monkey. Wow! Again I was stunned.
To get to England Chee Chee proceeds to dress like a little girl and easily walks aboard a ship bound for England. No one notices that this is a monkey and not a little girl!  I remember being incredulous and thinking that this was just wrong, how could a book be so mean, so wrong. Books were sacred in my house, they were treasures but I knew this book was actually dangerous. It was the first time I realized the power that books had.

But I kept reading
In another situation Dr Doolittle concocts a potion to turn his Black friend Bumpo into a white man to get the friend out of jail…the implications of that deserve an essay all their own. I later learned that in the next book Bumpo, still White from the potion, goes on to marry a woman he thinks is White. It turns out the woman is not White but an Albino. When Doolittle’s potion wears off the wife learns that Bumpo is actually Black. Both spouses thought they married “up” in the world (the implication of the book) only to find themselves married to someone of their own race.  Unfortunately, given the racism and bigotry throughout this series, I don’t think the author was trying to be ironic but rather sarcastic. (I didn’t read any other books in that series, nor did I ever tell my parents).

I was reading this book sometime during the late 1960’s, during the height of civil rights movement.  While my Brooklyn neighborhood was mostly White at the time, it was beginning to change. And that change was buzzing in the air. White Flight and Housing Busters were phrases I heard though don’t recall fully understanding them until I was a quite a bit older. I do remember someone coming to the house and asking my father if he would be interested in selling the house before those people took over the neighborhood.  Housing Busters would lowball housing prices by playing to the fears of the racist indicating that if the White family didn’t sell now, they would lose a ton of money when the neighborhood “turned.”  The same people would then turn around and sell the house to a Black family at huge increases over the selling price. My father slammed the door on this guy’s face but then opened the door and followed him till make sure he left the block. Getting rid of this guy didn’t keep my neighbors from selling out and heading to the suburbs.

East Flatbush, the neighborhood I grew up in, was established as a step up for first generation Jewish and Italian immigrants. Many of the families that established East Flatbush were the children of immigrant families from Brownsville or East New York tenements. They were able to flee the poverty conditions of their parents because the American dream was  real in their lives. They could leave apartment life and purchase their own modest home. I, like a several of my friends on the block had at least one grandparent who spoke Italian. It is easy to be open minded when issues of race are not in your own back yard, but in fact, the race of those literally in my back yard at the time was indeed changing. The simple Christian song with the refrain “Red, Yellow, Black or White, we’re all precious in His sight…” was sort of an anthem in my grade school, especially during my earliest school years. But again it was an easy anthem because the minority population was quite small when I was about eight or nine and we did so passionately believe we all could simply just get along.  

The Dr Doolittle series now available to children has been rewritten and is a sweet children’s story. But it is sad to realize that this iconic children’s book in its orginal racist form influenced the lives of countless children for more than 50 years before it was redacted.

more in another post...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

the War to End all Wars


We went to Lincoln Center last night to see War Horse…great! I was first introduced to the book when Don and I were in England and I met an old college friend Claire. She and her husband were heading to London to see the new play War Horse. I picked up the book and though it was a little sappy at times, I found it to be an enjoyable read. I gave it to several of my grand nephews. 

The booklet they made available at Lincoln Center gave some great information about WW I, the horses used during the war as well as information about the puppet masters who brought the horses to life on stage.  The summary included a few sentences that caused me to pause and think.  WWI was referred to the War to End all Wars and believing that the bloodiest violence the world had ever experienced would truly put an end to war. Knowing, believing that future generations would not suffer that kind of horror brought them comfort.  But as we all know another major war was fast on the heels of the War to End All Wars.  Comfort, if any was short lived.

Have we grown to accustom to war?  Wikipedia (ok it’s the quickest if not the most reliable source) lists more than 120 wars around the globe between WWII and 1989, which of course doesn’t include the current Arab Uprisings or recent wars between Arabs and Israelis.  Some of these wars were of major consequence to multiple nations and other civil wars violating nationals, but causing harm nonetheless.   

But are we immune to the damage of war because unlike the two major world wars, every family is not directly impacted. Our volunteer army lets many of us off the hook. I am DEFINATELY not advocating a draft. I am simply saying that many of us may have been living in a bubble when it comes to the world's realities. Only when it hits us in our gas tanks do we feel it.  But what would cause us to ever believe that a war would be the one that ends all wars?